Hi Gibson, welcome to SR. Pleased to have you here and very glad you've reached out for support.
I'm a mom of two beautiful daughters (15 and 7), and I can totally relate to your question: 'how on earth did I get HERE??'. I used to ask myself the very same thing.
I've been sober for three months now. It CAN be done. Both my kids and husband have seen an enormous difference. I know you can do this, too.
Please, go and make an appointment with a trusted doctor who you feel you can be honest with. Then, tell them everything (I know it sounds scary, but once you do, it's life changing). You can get some help with this.
All the best.