The Biggest Lie of All
I have read many threads here in the past year that include the words, "the kids didn't know" about my ASpouse.
As an ACOA, and a person who has mentored children for a long time, I will tell you flat-out, Cyranoak style: Good GOD!
Of course they know.
They may not be old enough to know "My Daddy/Mommy/Caretaker, etc. is an Alcoholic", but they know the tension, the arguments, the silences, the heavy sighs, the smells, the manipulations, the sense of danger to self from a very early age.
I personally knew by the time I was 4 years old (my earliest memory). I hear reports of this All. The. Time. from other ACOAs and children alike.
During your recovery, I hope this is one of the things you finally discover. I hope you realize that you have been in denial if you ever thought, "the kids didn't know".
Even if your alcoholic drank late at night or away from home or not a drop in front of the children. They knew. They always knew.
Thank you for letting me talk for a minute.