I know exactly where you are coming from. I feel the same way... and it both empowers me and frightens me at the same time.
I have rationalized his behaviors so many times and made excuses (because after all-- he has never been in trouble w the law, holds a very good job, isn't drinking during the day, has controlled it for a while, is a decent father and is functional! right!?!) but when it boils down to it, I just realize that there will always be another binge, another episode where he cuts me down to nothing, another time where he blames me,. and on and on. I have had to ask myself every day do I even want to be with him even if he doesn't ever drink again? Will that magically make our problems go away? Probably not. So far I have stuck with him because we were high school sweethearts and we have two young girls and I have always had such high hopes for US and OUR FAMILY. I need to start having high hopes for me now and my girls.
I grapple with the "END" every single day myself. My thoughts are with you.