WTBH...
Thanks for your post. I see myself in so much of it...especially the part where you said...
I've made decisions for years based on what I hoped would happen, what I wished for, what I was willing to do to make happen and all that led to was hurt, resentment, anger... All my own doing.
Yes...I did all of this too. For years. And its a bitter pill to swallow when you realize you truly have no one but yourself to blame for the mistakes you've made...all those poor decisions.
My exah used to tell me in the most sincere fashion that he WAS GOING TO QUIT DRINKING. At first, I believed his promises. But after I while I stopped. And yet I kept making decision about my life and my future based on his empty promises. How can he be blamed? He can't. My choices. My life. My responsibility.
I think that's a big hurdle in recovery...taking responsiblity for YOUR part in the dance.
What a great life lesson...really...even if it does sting at first.
Keep going. Keep moving forward!!
Hugs
mary