Misplaced priorities?
Good morning SR friends.
I have an in-law issue that is eating at me. Instead of taking it directly to the source, I am going to vent it here. My RAH - now 8 months sober, has a very strange relationship with his FOO (family of origin). To make a long story short, he puts their feelings above mine, and always has, especially his sister, who has been passive-aggressive and competitive with me in the past...nothing malicious, just projecting her insecurities on me.
Now, this same man has been confrontational with my family and vocal about my family's quirks and petty behavior annoyances. I don't mind him venting to me about my family. I don't always like my family...I don't expect him to either. All I have ever asked is that he let me be the buffer zone and deal with them directly. But if I complain about his, watch out! Mr. Defensive swoops in to rip my head off. He's taken a stance that I am oppositional to his family and is holding tight to that, regardless of anything I say. And it colors everything. And he won't give that up.
I believe the family of origin and the family of creation are mutually exclusive of each other. Of course, there is overlap and a certain amount of meshing involved, but when you create your new family, your FOO takes a back seat on the priority list. And yet, here I am. I don't understand, especially knowing he isn't terribly fond of his family, where the misplaced loyalty comes from and why he can be quite comfortable complaining about my family and extremely defensive if I do the same about his in return.
Anyone else have this experience? And how do you deal with it? I am struggling with what seems like a heaping dish of hypocrisy and it frustrates me to no end. But maybe I am expecting too much? Thoughts?