hwsm, I know how badly you want to know what he is doing and if he is okay. I told my XABF in a text, "Whenever you are tired, and you have had enough, and you want to tell it all to me, I am here." It was my way of saying, when you hit rock bottom, give me a jingle. Well, my phone isn't jingling, so you know what that means. We want to believe they are realizing what they lost and will want to change, but to quote my therapist, "If he had the presence of mind to behave in this fashion, you would not be here."
Here is a quote from Courage to Change in AlAnon: "It is necessary to look at the whole picture to make realistic choices and stop setting ourselves up for disappointment. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again, we were devastated because reality didn't go away just because it was ignored. Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend only half the truth is real. When we allow ourselves to face certain facts and confront them, we cease to give our own denial the power to devastate us at every turn."
Every day, you will be better, better, better..hugs to you..