Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
Yet I DID expect him to change. I expected that the natural course of events was that we both would grow up. [...]
[...]he told me that his resentments toward me are largely centered around my changing and not being that same loving person. I've said to him at these times that I haven't stopped loving him, I just started asking for some stuff from him in return and wasn't so desperate anymore [...]
Wow. The original post and this one got me. I too have been waiting for my AH to "catch up" to me and "grow up" by accepting the responsibilities that comes as an adult. We've known each other since we were 16. I used to be so dependent of him. I have changed. He hasn't. I'm not happy because of me. My change. And he's the one who's left with a new person to live with. He always says that he's the same person he was when we met.... well I'm not and that's something I'm proud of. It's not fair that I expect him to handle all the changes in me with grace and acceptance.
I often hear how I don't laugh at his jokes anymore, how I'm not loving enough, not affectionate enough - How I "used to be so what happened?" My expectations have changed for me and what I want. I don't want to be treated like a door mat, I don't care if that makes him angry, I can live with him being angry with me - before I couldn't, I was too scared he'd leave me. Why was it so scary to want be treated well and expect him to be kind and loving instead of intimidating and fickle. I hid myself away so well that he never knew me .... I didn't know me. I'm learning me and love me. It's okay to love me even if he doesn't - that's a hard one. I want him to be proud of me, to love me ... for me. Not because I say what he wants to hear and do what he wants me to do. He respects that, but I'm not sure he loves the me I have become. His statements often contain "buts" - I'm glad you're standing up for yourself more, but .... I think it's great your doing stuff you want to do, but..... He is living with somebody new and I'm living with an irresponsible 'functional' alcoholic. All the signs were there, but we were so young. I didn't know he couldn't grow up.
Sorry for the ramble - lots has come up in my head from reading this. Thanks for the posts here, they have really opened my eyes
