Shannon- yeah I got quiet and took a break for a while bc I needed to just make some decisions and get out of my comfort/support zone for a while. I felt terrified and miserable and I made myself figure some things out... I didn't think I was relying too heavily on this site or other people but it turned out I was... I even took a break from talking to my sponsor so much... Just took time to be honest with me and well, it seems to have been necessary and good...
It's nice to hear that I'm not crazy for thinking that there is a difference for others too b/w parents vs spouses in al anon... I really do wish I had a group that sounds like yours-- it sounds so great... I am fortunate though to have good friends around here and one who I talk to on line regularly who I've been friends with for years and that's a blessing...
TC- Funny how what was "cool" and "low key" really was being a doormat and pretending our needs didn't exist... I just am sitting here shaking my head at myself and honestly really do feel badly for AH in many ways... He thought he had this perfect, enmeshed wife, the model that his mom had been with his dad and one day he woke up to me "demanding" I be treated as an equal and he didn't know what to do with it. It's not to say he couldn't have rallied and gotten healthier and wanted the same r/s I did but honestly, if I'd been in his shoes I'm sure I'd have been full of WTF is this thinking too...
I've made it very clear to him that who I am now is who I have always been-- I just never really showed it. He's talked a lot lately about remembering how great thigns were and believing we could get back to it and I've told him, sadly (crying in fact) that that's not ever going to happen bc the person I was pretending to be isn't who I am and I won't ever be that person again. I think he's grieving just as much as me the loss of what he thought would be...