I have read your posts from the beginning, hwsm..your story is so similar to mine it is scary. I can only tell you with confidence that AlAnon is the way to go My first meeting, I walked into a room full of men, and they all looked at me and stopped talking. I was terrified. I said, "Is this AlAnon?" And they said, "No, this is AA, AlAnon is after us, but welcome.." When I heard the AlAnon people speak, and it was my turn, I said, "I will never be able to speak as eloquently as you all do." Guess what? Now I am not the newbie, and I CAN speak like the others. They will give you the materials, books, and daily readings. Here is a tip that works for me: when you find yourself missing the moments, all the special things you did together, etc. -come up with a mantra that is REALITY and repeat it at that moment to train your brain, so to speak. Mine is, "He is a sick man and has illnesses and addictions." Just repeat it in your head, if you are with people. It does work. Try to remember the things that hurt you, which so outnumber the good. We know this, we just choose not to remember them. We are all in this together...:codiepolice