My experience has been that I was as addicted to him as he was to the alcohol. That it wasn't logical for me to "love" someone that was so bad for me. Taking a good hard look at my part, my victimhood in this was painful.
Because even after going no contact, I was still craving him to "come to his senses", etc etc etc. That is just my disease quacking. And yes it sucks, mightily. But my own recovery depends upon my ability to work my program as hard as I wish he would work his.
Good luck - I know this doesn't sound very supportive, but truly, I understand everything you wrote.