nbunderstanding

Can someone be addicted to AA?

My husband has just had his 1 year anniversary. He has been living in an Oxford house (with no plans to work on coming home, yet says he dosen't want a divorce), going to meetings 2-5 per day, has not looked for work since he returned from rehab (previously very work oriented excutive) and the only things he does are around recovery. I feel just like when he was drinking and gambling.

During the week days he picks up the kids from school and takes them to the Oxford house instead of our home until I return home from work (we have 4 year old son and 12 year old daughter) and he cannot understand why I would worry about this situation. I have seen many house members leave due to relapse and there are many kinds of men in the house not just alcoholics (not that alcholic is better than an addict in behaviors) I simply don't want my children exposed to anything unhealthyfrom constant talk about drugs people did or anything sexual happening with all the men in the house and a dauther entering into womanhood or my son for that matter (they do not do background checks on house members) and I don't want my children hurt in any way shape or form.

As to our marriage it has been reduced to only AA gatherings or I asked if he want to spend his 1 year anniversay with the family and we were invited to see him at an AA meeting. He had already attended 4 that day prior to the meeting we attended to show our support for his anniversay. The kids went to a daycare area for the meeting.

Everytime we ask him to do things he says he is busy with this or that for AA. We don't seem to have any value. He see the kids in the week quite a bit as he picks them up after school since he is not working. On the weekends it is not uncommon for him to not even bother to call and speak to any of us.

I feel he has not made any progress from exiting rehab and finding balance in the real world. I stopped drinking (didn't do a lot before couple glasses a wine a month) long before he went to recovery as I began to hate alcohol when I watched him spirling down. We don't hang around any of the friends that we did in the past that drink so we have supported him in every way possible but I feel taken advantage of and really feel not hope that he will ever leave the enviroment of the Oxford house and take back, even if it is slow and small steps, his responsiblities of being apart of the family. I don't want him to think I am pressuring him or expect it all now but there is no progression of any kind. I get the sense he thinks I am out of my mind when I say things that would require him to have responsiblities.

I told him I want to either return to counseling and either committ to someday after working with a counselor there is a goal to live at home or otherwise I cannot continue to live like this. I feel like I am single, I don't get any of my emotional needs met in our marriage at this time (not even little ones), and I done everything I can to be a supportive wife of this process of there comes a point when you feel like recovery is now the excuse to further emotionally abuse the family. When I told him he needs to make some decision he just completely ignores me like I didn't say the words. When I asked him about 4 days later if he was going to be respectful to me and give me a reply, he said I will by tomorrow. Well of course "tomorrow" has come and gone and there have been days filled with 4-6 meetings a day and and Oxford house convention so no time for an answer.

I am very happy my husband is sober PLEASE do not think by my frustrations I am not. I know my husband he is an avoider and this is what he has not addressed in rehab or out. I have found so much peace after he went into rehab and I feel like he prefers to manifest issues to perputaite problems. How much support can one man have and yet never give in return. I am to my limit. I have done anything that would be a positive support for his recovery but I know when I lay my head down on the pillow at night he would never return any of this support to me and hence why I just can't take it.

Maybe my expectations are off and I just don't "get it". I don't attend Al Anon as it is not a good program for myself, although I do have very much respect for it. I prefer to go to a counselor and work on my issues. So that is another issue. My husband is under the impression that Al Anon helps the family understand the AA program and what the recoverying person needs in support. I have been to many Al Anon meetings may 10-12 before I felt it wasn't the best option for me but I do know enough that I understand it is about me and not him, (classic behavior, right). He told me he would go ask someone who knows better than I do who has been around longer. He dosen't seem to accept it goes against some of my personal beliefs and it is simply not for me. I have been to several AA meetings with my husband and I actually see a much more positive atomosphere in those meetings (at different locations all over our large metro city) than the Al Anon.

So after all that venting is there a point where addiction to AA is looked at by members of AA & sponsors or are they fine with that behavior?