WTBH--Adding my thanks to you for putting those feelings into words.
I don't think we're asking too much for them to "grow up" over time. I don't know if it's true that As are somehow frozen emotionally at the age when they began to drink heavily...I've read that. I do know that from his 27 when we married to age 54 when we divorced, I became more and more his "mommy" and less and less his wife. That included driving myself or the family when he wasn't able, making all the plans for the family, arranging for all work done at the house, locking the doors at night, and on and on. I already have 4 kids and didn't need another one. I did expect him to be an adult in our relationship, and he just wasn't capable. He's the one who left me, making all of it easier.
Here's to knowing who we are, what we deserve and being honest with ourselves and others.