I like to think that I love my AH unconditionally but I am not sure that is true. It takes a pretty self aware, healthy person to love unconditionally and I am not being honest with myself if i thought I was that person. I still love him very much. I love the father that he was and continues to be. I love the husband that he was. I love the compassionate, honest, responsible person he is. I love his sense of humor. I just cannot live with his behaviors. I tell him I love him every chance I get. I know those are just words but I really do mean them. I want him to know that I still love him, even if he is pushing me away or we have no contact for months. I think that when a person is so controlled by this disease it is important that they feel that someone still loves them. I do not tell him that to try to manipulate him or change him into sobriety. I know that can only come from himself and yes "The Lord" because I know that is his HP. He does not believe I love him because of some of my actions and words when I have been angry at his unacceptable behavior. I can see how he would feel that way.
I recently told him I still loved him, I just need to love him from afar. It is healthier for me. And I have had to move further away because recent contacts have been toxic to me. I love myself enough to recognize that and have taken action to protect myself. If he asked me today if I loved him the answer would still be yes whether he is drinking or not. But if he were to ask me to move back in the answer would be no.