chicory, I will freely admit that I used to believe that about love. For 15 years I walked that walk. I will also freely admit that I effing dumb all of those 15 years. You can't love/control anyone to change. They will only change if they choose to.
I was dumb and in pain when I came here. In fact that is the reason I came here. I now have a nice shiny new toolbox and some skills on how to use those tools and I am less dumb.
Progress not perfection.
Your friend