Shark, I am sorry you are struggling right now. Prayers your wife finds recovery.
What hit me like a ton of bricks was the phrase, "nothing changes if nothing changes" and the realization that nothing was changing because I wasn't making anything change. Emphasis on "I". All of the sudden, the Serenity Prayer made sense. Accept the things I can't control (RAH and the drinking/unacceptable behavior) and have the courage to change the things I can (me and my living situation).
So I moved out. Started to really focus on me. Work on me. Change my own stinkin thinkin. Have some successes (buying my own house, getting my life back, finding peace in the midst of a painful period in my life, etc)
And today, I am my own success story. And I am still married to the RAH, and amazingly, my getting out of the line of fire did make his face himself and so far, he seems committed to his own recovery. But the real success is that I found myself again, I am my own utmost priority, I am happy regardless, and have grown exponentially over the last year. I am a far more grounded person today that I was a year ago when I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you don't like how things are today...change something. That's your power. What your AW does isn't anything you can control, so why bother worrying about it? Go forth on your own...your life is waiting.
Stay strong!
~T