Bewitched, like you I have an AH who lies, sneaks and drinks. His addiction and the behavior that came (comes) with it drove me crazy. It was(is) this slow moving, life sucking, marriage destroying monster that I had to give up trying to control for my own good. Finally accepting what he is, instead of wanting how he was or what he could be has been really difficult for me. It still is difficult, but every day I am getting closer to reality. Once I was able to stop the insane thinking that I could help him, and stopped taking his behavior personally I became a much calmer person. Realizing I was powerless over his addiction, that my life had become unmanageable, that I did not cause it, I can not control it and I can not cure it has helped me focus on me... the one and only person I can control. I can tell you there has been relief but also a feeling of oh $hit because now I see my situation for exactly what it is. However knowledge is power and it gives us the ability to make good decision. Right now I do not know what I am going to do in the long run where my marriage is concerned. I am not ready to make any earth shattering decisions, and I am finally okay with that too. The wisdom around here tells me I will know when that time comes. I hear it is when the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. Meanwhile I am working on getting me healthy, and I am enjoying life even if my AH continues to drink. Detachment is a wonderful thing. Letting go of fear is another.