Cyranoak

...and many talk about unconditional love. I have to share this opinion:

Unconditional love is simply code for codependancy/enabling.

I don't mean to say you can't love somebody no matter what they say or do. I love my daughter despite the dumb things she consistantly does these days.

What I do meant to say is that, in my opinion, the majority of people manifest their "unconditional love" through enablement and codependency, and do not hold the people they love accountable for their actions, or allow them to suffer the consequences of the same. I know I did, and for a long, long time.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my wife began to engage with recovery when I stopped relying on unconditional love, stopped protecting and saving her, and started responding to reality using the tools I learned in Alanon. It's now over a year, with one relapse, that she has been going to AA two or three times a week, and she is now actually secretary of one of the meetings, freely admits she's an alcoholic, and even calls other members for support. If you knew her, you'd know it's a miracle in the truest sense of the word.

My contribution to this? Minding my own damn business and leaving her to fend for herself when she drank. It drive's me ****ing nuts every time I read in a thread that somebody, newbie or not, actually believes you can love and/or control somebody into sobriety, or that somebody will find sobriety simply because of the love of a spouse, parent, children, or The Lord.

Good Lord-- as a species are we really that dumb? I was-- that's for sure. Not only am I a recovering codependent, I'm also a recovering Pollyannish moron. It's good to be in recovery.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak