Ahh, the subject so relevant to me right now!
You know, I used to be a liar myself (at 15-18). I lied because I felt deep down that if people REALLY knew who I was they would hate me.
It made me feel all mixed up and guilty inside and they flew out of me before I could notice them.
Finally, I worked through all that and am darn right over-honest now!
My rule is, if you feel uncomfortable about it, say it right away!
It keeps the lies away; that's for sure.
When my XAH lied to me at first, I doubted he was lying. I doubted myself. I worried. I wondered.
Then I found out. And I confronted.
I accepted his tears and believed it would be 'different'.
Then I worried and wondered and doubted myself.
The problem was, often it would SEEM he was lying...but I couldn't PROVE it. He would deny it. I'd have to choose between believing him, or realizing my marriage was pretty jacked up.
I chose him for a few years.
Finally, when I realized he was lying and hiding again, I was pretty much done.
I fought it, but eventually realized HE CAN NOT BE TRUSTED.
He just can't.
So trying to get him to admit (or even REMEMBER...he'd insist he didn't remember - geez, Louise!) the truth...forget it.
So, then there is no more to do or discuss.
We're done.
And I divorced.
No thanks to lies and deciet. Not my cup o' tea.