Z - I don't know if I would be comfortable calling my situation a success story (although I think I am definitely heading in a successful direction myself), but my RAH has been sober 8 months now and working very hard in AA. We remain separated but cautiously optimistic that there will be a "happy ending"...I don't care for the "happily ever after" because I think in marriage that does not apply! ; ) It's hard work, this marriage thing.
Anyway, things got worse before they got better. We came to the brink of divorce several times over the last 6 months, and giving up the anger and blame (for both of us) was challenging. It will be some time before I'd feel enough trust and comfort to consider living with him again, but spending peaceful and enjoyable time with him lately has been very nice!
So yes, I believe it is doable for addicts and alcoholics to seek recovery and be committed to it, even if they slip or relapse a few times in the process. Progress, not perfection, right? I just don't think your wife is there yet. She doesn't think she has a problem yet. My RAH knew he had a problem. He knew this was out of control and he had reached a 'now or never' place in his life. I wouldn't say he hit bottom, but more like had a wake up call and got off the elevator at a higher floor.
I feel your frustration. The denial is overwhelming! But there still is hope..........
~T