Lying was a big part of my growing up. It wasn't just the A's who lied but those all around the A's, the enablers, the codies, the friends & family of A's --about big things, little things. I lied too. I feel sad and shameful about that--that as a child, I learned to lie. The truth was scary.
I guess I would ask why do people lie? Is it a defense mechanism? Does the lie seem so much better than the "truth?" Is the "truth" so painful or shameful that deception seems better? I wonder if people sometimes lie because they don't feel safe to tell the truth. There's a need to cover-up. I live in a culture (U.S.) that doesn't encourage truth-telling as a whole. Yet when people are "caught lying, " it is often thought of as wrong (morally) or that it reflects some kind of character flaw. Certainly, for the A's, it's part of addiction.
I work really hard and consciously to be truthful because there was so much lying growing up. I work at it because it makes me feel authentic and free. I do feel better about myself too. If I want to bail out of a lunch with someone, I can assure you that an elaborate lie pops into my head very quickly to back out of it. I struggle to keep it honest and just say something like, "I am not available" or "I changed my mind." No other explanations or story-telling necessary.
Of course, I don't want to be lied to. I don't like it. It feels like a major violation. As one who grew up with a lot of lies, I can say, I rather not lie myself (to myself and to others) than to be lied to. The "lie" may represent something different to those who are doing the lying than to those who are actually being lied to. Being honest is a healing gift to myself.