Bobby,
I have days like that, when I listen to people who play into my "old" self, the person I was when I was married to him and convinced I couldn't leave for any one of a slew of reasons...
That's when I come here and reread my old posts. Or read my journal from any of the long nights when I cried and prayed that he would stop drinking. Or go to a meeting and listen to the people still in A marriages. That usually helps.
Big hug to you.