Originally Posted by
Isola 
It's made me so anxious, unworthy, unlovable and just generally rubbish about myself. All I want to go crazy - drink and whatever else and forget it all. Forget it, or try to show myself that I haven't actually changed at all, and deserve everything I get.
Even if you don't like 12 step recovery, it would behoove you to try some self-appraisal, confession and make some amends. It's not just about abstinence. Recovery involves liberation from our past emotions.