I would recommend seeing a good therapist to help you get over this hump. It really does help immensely. I recently went thru something similar -- wringing my hands for months over a difficult decision. Within 4-5 sessions with my therapist and it became very clear as to what was best. It helps to have someone validate your emotions and sort through the options and get clear on what it is you really want.
Whatever you decide, I hope you find some serenity soon. Sounds like a real tough spot to be in
I'm glad you found SR. Welcome!