I've seen that horror movie, too. It's living a nightmare IMHO. Your life is worth so much more than that. It took me a while to extracate myself from my XAH. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. There is no reasoning with someone who's on the attack vector like that. They want their piece of you; you're their prey.
No amount of figuring out "WHY" he is hateful will STOP him from being hateful. It's tough for a "Fixer" (which I've been prior to Al-Anon) to just let that go and realize there is nothing to be done. Getting out of the way is your best bet.