Thread: my realization
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Old 07-08-2011, 06:22 AM
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FreeingMyself
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 347
my realization

Many of you know that I have struggled with proceeding to divorce my verbally abusive AH, and I have struggled with WHY I am having trouble. Interestly enough, it was my 14 year old son who made me see what it is. Long story short, my 14 son is going to "break up" with his girlfriend of 8 months. He and I were talking about it....and I kinda realized that I NEVER break up with anyone! I mean NEVER - ok my first husband cheated on me and I left, but in my eyes he had already "broken up". Anyway, this was a moement where I realized that I am SO afraid to hurt someone else and that I got married/stayed married/stayed in relationships because I didn't want to hurt them. Not because I loved them, or like them, but so I wouldn't hurt them. I SO don't want to be the cause of someone else's pain....even my AH, whose actions toward me have caused me pain. So THAT'S it. I'm 37 and have no idea how to END a relationship of any kind, so I stay around toxic people etc!! I know this is codie behavior....I just don't know how to move past it, though I know that I would be doing AH no favors by being emotionally/physically unavailable to him even he did go through couseling...that would hurt him too!
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