Originally Posted by
Jaguar55 
I'm busy reading through the threads on abuse and trying to give myself a reality check. Why did I have to fall in love with an abusive alcoholic? What utterly ****** luck. No body deserves something like this to happen to them. I know, life isn't fair......
Abusive and alcoholic - two separate entities. He is not abusive because he is an alcoholic - he is abusive full stop. You have two HUGE toxic behaviors to deal with. I would recommend 'Why Does He Do That - Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men' by Lundy Bancroft. Its extremely insightful and if you start recognising your BF in the pages, then it will help you make sense of what you are going through and hopefully lead you down the path of healing yourself and walking away!
I am just coming to terms with the end of my marriage to a verbally abusive alcoholic. For 23 yrs I blamed the abuse on his drinking and remained in a toxic marriage thinking everything would be ok because for 75% of the time, we were happy and had a relative 'normal life'. Following 18 months of therapy, visits to SR, Al-anon and reading plenty of books I have come to the decision that I am an extremely important person and my health is extremely important to me and I cant understand how I ever put up with an 75% marriage as I deserve so much better.
You deserve better too. Keep reading the threads and educate yourself on Abusive and alcoholism. Its an extremely toxic mix for a relationship. I left 4 weeks ago, I still love my husband despite everything he has put me though, but I now love me more. No contact is working for me.
look up 'fear of abandonment' too. Thats what kept me stuck or going back for more.