Sharkbait

Hi there everybody.

Just wanted to share a bit of an eye opener i had last night.

went to bed at around 11 AW came to bed at the same time.

now this has been the trend for a while now that we go to bed at the same time... well 3 weeks roughly.

and every time that we go to bed at the same time its because ultimately she wants physical affection and there is no other time or place for it that she will allow.


TBH im over it.
so last night went to bed (had a shower first in a vain attempt to go to bed after she was asleep)

I came to bed turned the bedside light off and got asked why did i turn it off.
I responded because its bed time.
We hugged and kissed a bit. before she asked "arnt we passed this, your acking like we are dating teenagers with the whole hes touching me does he want me or doesnt he"

I was just of the impression that we were just showing affection.

This is the beginning of an argument that i would have 5 words to say roughly

so then she says "it's just that you dont want me right now, you know its a bit sad when your cat wants your affection more than your husband"

I calming say that I don't want every night to be either sleeping together or fighting.

which then went on with rant rant rant rant, or should i say quack quack qauck.
"Your just like ever other guy out there you only care about yourself"
"no im just like me" once again i said that calmly
"no your not"
Quack quack.

she gets dressed and goes downstairs for a bit.

while she is gone im thinking about it all.

and i realise, as i play out the argument in my head again and what i could possibly have said to stop it, nothing could have stopped it.

anything i said would have ramped up the argument including asking for my jumper back.
i think about every thing that i wanted to say to defend myself and realise it would have been pointless.

I realise that she wanted the physical contact.
not because she loved me.
but because she has been feeling very depressed for the past and wanted it for her own selfish reasons.

So i lay there and do nothing, say nothing just sleep and realise 2 other things.
1. she will have totally forgotten about this in the afternoon when she wakes up.
2. that if this time she fails and starts drinking again i am gone.

thank fully 2 weeks left till she goes in to detox.