Brava to you and your husband. You have shown your daughter that you respect that she is a 19 year old adult with the right to make her own choices about how to live. She doesn’t want to fit into your household? Well, okay.
The way I see this, you and your husband have affirmed the peacefulness of your home, the parameters of what you will financially and emotionally support, and you've made that clear for everyone's sake.
That's a sign of respect toward her and everyone and the underlying message is that you will respect her right to choose how and where she wants to live.
My DD20, when 18, moved out and lived in this nasty cheap apartment, didn’t eat well, drank a lot, didn’t go to school. etc. That got pretty old pretty fast. After about 9 months of that, she was sick of it. But it’s her right to choose. If she chooses to move here and live with me and with my financial support, the parameters are clear. My home is set up and run to maximize the peace, stability and productivity of everyone who lives in it, so that each participant can thrive in their own right.
And considering the benefits of my financial support- it’s a very good deal! From free dinners at night to a room in a nice home to tuition for school? Oh, yeah! I’d take that deal, given reasonable restrictions on my behavior! Let’s get realistic here. You’re not requiring that she be your slave, wash your feet every night, or accept being beaten by you and your husband in exchange for those things!
This will be good for her. And I think you have demonstrated that you recognize and respect that she is an adult and has the right to set her own course. Her choices are clear.