what am I not getting, is it boundaries, detachment, I just don't know.
AH calls me today to see if he could borrow my car because he bought 17 yo DD a canoe and needs to pick it up.
DD has been dropping hints about wanting a canoe or a kayak or this or that and I let her know that maybe it might be a Christmas or birthday present or something she could buy with the money she is making working this summer.
This I believe is my responsibility as a parent.
What is my problem is that I am expecting AH to suddenly be a real partner and discuss with me what we buy or don't buy our kids.
He didn't and what did I do, blow up of course. Going on about DD shouldn't get what she wants just because she wants it. What about special occasion presents, what about the other kids and on and on.
The kicker is that he never interacts with me and I am sure in his mind it is no big deal that he did what "he personally wanted to do" and I am expecting otherwise.
I don't see where this will ever change, whether AH is recovering or not. This man does not want to take responsibility for being a partner nor does he want to take responsibility for being out of the marriage and being a responsible parent.
He just wants to do what he wants to do and I am just the mother that takes care of his kids so he doesn't have to. He doesn't get to deal with my younger two wondering why M gets a canoe and they don't or before this why she got a camera and they didn't .
What will happen when AH realizes he can't afford to buy them whatever they want when they want it. And what about teaching his own kids to be responsible consumers.
Just another one of my values stepped on and squashed, not considered, dismissed, interfering with whatever AH wants to do.
AAARGH, I can't take this and yet in the back of mind I keep second guessing myself, thinking I should just let this go cause when I don't I am interfering with his d*mn recovery.
Is this insane?