Old 07-04-2011, 08:58 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
Welcome back, Kassie! Glad to hear you are doing well.

Great thread idea...perfect for today!

I've come a long way in a short period of time with my thinking. I never had issues with boundaries and values and such until I met my alcoholic who came into my life like a tornado and destroyed everything I thought I knew and believed in. By separating from him and focusing back on me again, in short order I found myself and I am grateful for that today. I was really missing me and I didn't even know it!

I am also grateful that today he's 8 months sober and working the steps. Over the last few weeks, we've gone from the brink of divorce back to some conversations that are amazingly honest and full of personal responsibility. I don't know what will happen to us, but at least today I can say we don't hate each other! And he is sober.
I'm at the same place you are, TuffGirl. Like you, I fell in love with an alcoholic and a very short space of time, moved cross country to be with him and tested me so very much-my values, boundaries, tolerance and beliefs. With the help of Al-Anon, the Steps, some very supportive people and what lay buried deep within myself, I began my own journey - one of self discovery, one that has been equal parts rewarding and very bumpy, but all the while, keeping the focus on me.

Today, I am in school and am working toward......working. I live in a beautiful city on the West Coast, rent a house with an incredible view of the ocean. My bills are paid, I have food on the table, have a dog who I love more than anything, I have learned to laugh again, to feel all of what was bottled up inside of me for so long and not to be scared of what I feel. I needed to be by myself to find myself buried under all of the stuff that had been going on with the ABF. He is sober and while he is not in a program, he is working steadily, has gone to a therapist, is off all of his meds save one anti depressant (something that hasn't happened in over 10 years) and has been sober for over 4 months.

I've gone through something very similar to what you're going through with your RAH-we do live apart, have split up several times (the latest one since March) but, in the past couple of weeks, have made tentative steps toward trying to reconcile and to get over the anger and hurt that has dogged us for a long time. We have had some extremely honest conversations about what led us to where we are now and for both of us, there is some kind of healing going on. No one knows what the future holds for us but I am grateful to be at this point where we can sit down, talk openly about our feelings, our anger, our resentments and see each day as a gift rather than something to be dreaded and endured. It's a beginning; who knows where it will lead but, it's a journey begins with a single step.
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