Old 07-03-2011, 11:42 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
mattmathews
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 314
When I first started working on "boundaries," the worst part for me was how, with just few words, my AW could make me feel like crap. My guts would get twisted into a ball, I'd just shut down. It was a horrible feeling.
But eventually, and with help, I learned something that is just completely fundamental for me now: Other people can't make me feel bad. How I feel, how I react is in my control. I've learned to not react. I've learned that when I do react, I can take a deep breath and let the bad feelings go. I've learned that I can enforce my boundaries and even if the other person gets upset...the world does not come end.
It took some work, I had to take chances, I had to be willing to share my feelings when I really didn't feel comfortable. It helped that my AW was in recovery and we were able to both use our new found tools to communicate in new and better ways. And every so often, my feelings still get away from me and I still feel like crap. But it's progress, and I feel so much better than I did during the dark years.
So take a chance, go to the meeting with or without your mother. It's a process, and it takes time and commitment, but I believe that in time, you'll feel better.
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