(((Chicory)))- big ((((hugs))). I realize you also worry that he doesn't have the mental capacity to help himself, but sometimes that is just the "addict mind"...we can be pretty pitiful, put off doing stuff we should, etc. as long as we don't have to.
You know my story. Heck, I slept in empty apts (illegal), on the back porch if I couldn't get in, lived, literally, on the streets during my use. Was out walking the streets whether it was snowing or 110 degrees.
Yes, I did have a good upbringing, had a great career, etc., but addiction still turned me into someone I didn't even realize.
I understand the fear of making him go, the not knowing what's going to happen, the fear that he will die. Thing is, he may meet that same fate, living in your own home. Look at your friend and her son. Personally, I think finding her was a sign for you.
I spent 30 years on the codie side, a few years on the addiction side, and the codie is so much harder (for me).
You asked about "do you just jump?" I don't know the exact words, but one of my favorite sayings is something like "faith is know that when you jump, you will either fly or be carried on the wings of angels". I probably totally screwed that up, but that's what I remember of it, or how I interpret.
The jumping part is scary..no doubt. You know me and my story. I had to make a lot of blind jumps to get to where I am today.
As far as blame, it took me YEARS to stop blaming my 3 XABF's and realize that I had a part in it. To me, it's not so much blame, but acceptance that I was sick, too. You already know this, so that's a good step.
When I think of all of us who are struggling with a loved A, I think of (((Ann))) - she hasn't seen, nor heard from her son in over 6 years, I think. Yet the woman exudes peace and serenity. That is my prayer for you and all the others who are struggling (including myself).
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy