Chicory, I am a Mom, too. Mine are much younger than yours, but I know I would have the same feelings if I had to watch them self destruct right in front of me. I am praying that never happens.
I understand tough love and setting boundaries and all that. But I am wondering if an intervention would be a better tactic here. Involving some old-timers from AA maybe, or someone professionally trained in interventions...
We don't talk much about interventions here, and I know they can be epic fails or worse...but there are times when they have been very successful, too. I read a book a few months back by Debra Jay, think the title was "No More Letting Go" and the second half of the book was entirely dedicated to interventions.
JMHO...well, not even really an opinion...just thinking out loud.
Stay strong. Prayers today...
~T