I think that around here Helecoptor mom phrasing is used for hovering mother's mostly around teenagers who guard them closely, too closely, they smother the kids.
IDK if that applies to the 40 year old camping out for free in your house causing you extreme anguish and upset....but from reading your postings, he is sucking the life out of YOU....Self preservation always comes first in my book.
I divorced the first Mr. Fandy 25 years ago, lots of drugs, booze and rich food...He moved back in with his mother at age 49 or 50....She found him dead in his bed one morning...I always think that he died of stupidity...He had the $$ for dope and booze every single day of his life, but cried poormouth at taking himself to the doctor when he had neuropathy in his legs...IDK for sure, but I think he had a DVT that broke loose and traveled to his heart...He'll never get to see his future grandchildren or walk his only daughter down the aisle.
YOU can't fix him, you know this, but you sure can save yourself....it is very hard to know what's best, but you deserve some peace of mind and only you can protect yourself. I think you should make him leave and either he will sink or swim...anything is better than watching him do it....suppose he sets your house on fire smoking?
PS lexie and I posted at the same time....i notice we say very similar things.