About 2 years ago, i got acquainted with a frequent customer, who always bought cat food in mass quantities. I love cats, have three, and a few strays. Found out she had cats indoors and out, and made shelters for them. the nearby junkyard was a breeding ground for them, and she fed them and helped all she could. she is poor, wears boots, flannel over flannel, and pulls a little cart to haul the cat food.
One day,months later as we were chatting, and she shared that her adult son, an alcoholic , lived with her. Boy- i felt like I was seeing myself in 20 years! I shared that my son too, lived with me,and that I believe he is an alcoholic. and I shared some of what I had recently learned . that we needed to put them out. She said that she could not, that he had no where to go. that she did not think he would ever be ok. Her life sounded so much like mine. As time went on, we talked and it was obvious that he was still drinking and would be there forever. A month or so ago, she told me that he was in hospice, that his drinking was killing his liver, that he was very sick. two weeks went by, and she said that he was still hanging in there, and that she was spending as much time as she could. that he loved the cats, too, and that they gave him something to care about and look after. he was concerned about his "boys".
Two weeks ago, she came in to my store, and as she walked up to me I knew what her words were going to be. She simply said " I lost him". We cried, and talked about how he was at peace now, and about how he had a good heart. About how she was going to deal with her sadness.
I often wondered if God showed me this to show me the future. How my son could end up just like that, and me, as worn and worried as my little friend has been for years. I dont want that for my son. why wont God give me the courage, to do what i must?
why do i only see in black and white, thinking that he will die if i dont help? i dont feel powerful or godlike, only responsible, i guess.