Hi Caligirl71 (I'm a Cali girl too
)!
I so understand where you are at. Meaningful conversation with an active alcoholic is a one sided discussion. "another fight, more silence, no emotion" rinse and repeat. It is not your fault it is his addiction which has control. Sad thing is there is nothing you can say to change this. It has nothing to do with how much he loves you, but really has to do with how much he loves the bottle. The best thing you can do is get to an Al-anon meeting, read SR and get as educated as possible on alcoholism as possible. It is time to focus on you and what your wants and needs are from a relationship. Learning to detach from his addiction and then determine where your boundaries are is a step in the direction of healing you. You deserve better than someone who tells you things like he would not cry a day over you. This is progressive and in time it will only get worse unless he find recovery and actively works a program.