I will always have compassion for those fighting addiction (must be a very strong mental illness to lose so much yet still not want or be able to change) but at some point it is time to get off the ride with them and simply let them have the life they chose to have without taking a front row seat to watch how it ends.
@Darklight... thank you for your help with the questions I asked. I really wish it was as easy as you make it seem and perhaps now that I have been healing myself via Al-anon it will be easier if it happens again. It has always taken me a bit to discovery what is happening. I suspect it, he denies it, and he has over time continued to perfect his ability to cover it up. He is very good at flipping on and off his attitude to the point where I have no idea what is genuine and what is not. This time I am just hoping that I will hear that voice of recovery in him again (he is getting there) , that I know his "signs" well enough that I will not question the relapse but simply know it and the biggest for me is to make my boundaries on this and keep them. What I do know is that I am married to a big fat lier who will say and do anything to protect his addiction. Trust, on this issue is 100% gone. I like your idea of asking him what he is learning in AA, perhaps what the topic of the day was and to see his response. In the past he has been very closed mouthed about his recovery and AA, other than to say he is going or has gone to a meeting and meeting with his sponsor. I do know he was on step 8 before he relapsed last time. I guess we will see how it goes.