theuncertainty

Oh, Sweetteewalls. I'm so sorry for what you and your daughter are going through.

I agree. This is too much to lay at the feet of alcohol. Sweettee, one makes concessions like "he's tired from chemo, so I'll take care of this month's bills" or "he can't have sugar, so I'll not make cookies for him" or "he needs to go to dialysis today, so I'll arrange for a babysitter for the little one so I can drive him" or "he has the flu, so I'll make dinner" for illnesses. Not "he's an alcoholic, so it's OK that he treats our family like it doesn't matter."

I say this coming out of a marriage where I did accept our family being treated as runner up to the bottle routinely. Even after I left him, I made excuses for his behavior. I chalked it up to the alcohol. But, as a wise SR member says: Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable.

It doesn't matter why they do it - they do it. Others (SR members and IRL) will say that it's not personal: he's not doing it to you, he's just doing it. Sometimes I believe that. Sometimes I feel it's a load of cr-p. Because darn it, it's happening to me, can't get much more personal than that. *sigh* Even right now, I go back and forth on which I believe. And I think that's OK; it's where I'm at right now.

Sweettee, as much as I hated it when others told me this: God, or your HP, however you call him/her/it, never gives you more than you can handle. You have the strength to deal with this. It may take a bit for you to find it, but you have it. (Remember that your strength doesn't necessarily come from just yourself, but also from your friends, your family, SR, and others who want help you through this and who are part of your support system. Ask for help when you need it.)

Big bear hugs. Wishing you peace and continued strength.