It's a great question... thanks for starting this thread... I'm not sure what my "limit" is. I know that I am not concerned in the same way that I was for many years, about my AH's drinking and lack of recovery. I am worried about my own recovery and find that the more I focus on that, the less I worry about his drinking and all that goes along with it.
I guess too I would have to have had a period of time with AH when he was sober to know how I'd feel about him relapsing. I thought this winter that he'd relapsed but what I've realized is that he never stopped drinking so it was just a progressing of his drinking and not a relapse...
Some days I feel a lot stronger than others and what I've decided works for me right now is to worry about my kids and myself and not engage with AH. It's remarkable that when I refuse to participate in the dance how quickly it ends. He is rarely around these days bc he is not finding what he wants in terms of interactions with me and that's attributable to the fact that I just don't engage anymore.