katie
I did the same thing after my son's fourth stint in treatment (two inpatient two out patient). I don't look at it as a mistake. It was a lesson that I had to learn. We went through the same thing......our home became a place that made us uncomfortable. And it really shouldn't be that way.
My son is out there now....living on the streets....sleeping in his car.....couch surfing. I have no idea how he gets by but he's been doing it for a few months now and seems to be surviving. Does it hurt? yeah. But does it rule my life? no. I have good days and bad days but the good days FAR out number the bad ones.
It helps me to realize that asking him to leave was a consequence.....not a punishment.
You and your son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke