You RAH may not be drinking, but he sure isn't in recovery either, or he could just be a big fat heartless jerk to his core. Get mad! What he is doing is pure crap. There is no reason for a mature adult to act this way. He needs to pull his head out, or jump off his high horse and do what is best for your daughter. She has to be feeling the effects of all this and if he loves her he would calm down and start thinking straight. I would limit your interaction with him. Keep it simple when you have to. Only discuss his visitation with her at this point. You may need to get an attorney at this point to help you get things worked out.
Meanwhile focus on you and what you need in your life. Keep busy and distract yourself from all of this as much as possible. I find it helpful to read Al-non recovery books to regain my focus and get my mind in a better place.