Originally Posted by
Alone22 
Thank you! Just getting other people's POV is helpful. Just for clarification I would never not get a job because I thought it might hinder his recovery. It was just a possible negative to doing it., which I know in reality shouldn't even be any part of the equation. If he is going to drink, he is going to drink, period. I have looked into what I think I need to do in order to get back into my old line of work. There are classes I can take to get me up to date on changes in the law and best part I can do it from home. The other nice thing is that I have maintained some contact with those I used to work with that still work in the industry. Jobs are out there so I believe if I chose to go back I should be able to find work fairly quickly. Doing this leg work and getting my ducks lined up did help to take some of the stress off. The feeling of being overwhelmed went away when I took these small steps. My hang up on working again is I don't want to go back to work, I like being home with the kids. While I would love the financial security of working it comes with a pretty big cost (stress). It was really hard when I was working to balance it all and back then I had one kid and family who could help out if I really needed them. Now I have 3 kids and no family to help.
That (in bold) is an awesome first step - helps so much to recognize your options and choices. Even if you choose to stay home with your kids, it is still your choice and you know you have other choices and you will be ok, regardless of what your RAH is doing or not doing. That is your power.
Is there any other options in your industry? Like teaching others what you do? Teaching can be flexible and part-time...a lot of young mothers I know who worked and then stopped to raise kids find teaching is a way to bring in extra income without sacrificing 40+ hours a week away from the family. With technology as it is today - lots of teaching opportunities are online instead of in a traditional classroom.
And I said what I said about your RAH's recovery because it is so easy for us wives and mothers to get caught in the trap of needing to make life easy and manageable for others. I've come to the conclusion it is part environment and part biological to have those feelings. One of the best lessons I have learned so far is to allow my RAH the freedom to manage his own recovery - to back off, let him take responsibility, and find his own way. To not stop living because of his situation, nor to try to "make life easier" in any way possible. I don't soft-pedal things with him; I don't take responsibility for his actions, and I don't own his feelings anymore. If he relapses or slips, that is on him. My doing or lack of doing something does not contribute to those choices he makes. What a relief to let that go - that was a big burden to carry around!