"I really am trying"
Moni, I don't know what you are referring to?
I think what you are doing is waiting for a miracle. I have said it before and I will say it again...If you are willing to accept what is and what will always be (and it will continue to remain the same, likely worse in time) you do not have to leave your marriage. However, you post about the abuse you endure and the abuse your children endure (not showing up for scheduled visits and worse) yet you continue to stay waiting, hoping wishing and praying. if I understand your circumstances, your husband is not living with you and hasn't for about a year...so you don't have a marriage and you don't have a life without him. Make a decision Moni. Pick a way to live and get on with it.
I'm not sure what it is you want to hear from anyone. You come back with the same issue year after year, receive sound advice and your response is always the same. "I really am trying"