When we get upset about an addict doing what addicts do...that doesn't really have anything thing at all to do with the addict. It's all about us. If we can change the way we react, we can find serenity.
A year ago, the addict in my life could set me off with a couple of words or a funny look. Anger, defensiveness, hurt feelings.
A couple of days ago, my addict called me at work and said "We need to talk." That statement used to literally put a ball of anxiety in my stomach. I felt the need to be defensive start up, but I shook it off, took a deep breath and drove home.
And we talked, or she did. Forty-five minutes and I let her talk, I gave her space, I didn't get angry, I didn't get defensive. Looking back at it, I was kinda proud of myself for letting her talk about her issues (even when her issues are about the need to fix me), without letting my emotions take over.
I guess what I saying is: It's not about the addict, its about you. You need to work on you. There is a better way. For me it's been Al-anon.
Divorce may be something you need to do, but it's not the solution to your problems.