Originally Posted by
lem0nade 
"I don't have any friends in my life. I have no one to talk to except you. You're my only friend. You can't leave me or else I'd have no one." (You have no friends because you drove them all out of your life with your behavior!)
Ooh, yes! I get this one all the time. Sometimes with an added flourish:
"If you leave me I will have no reason to live." At least that quack didn't get by me.