I'll add some from my AH.
The best one ever is: "I have to keep drinking because if I completely quit, that means that the alcohol won and I can't let the alcohol win."
"I just want to have a few drinks and relax." (I'm not sure in what world "relax" means "start sobbing about how miserable your life is".)
"I bought some vodka for you. Just in case you decide you want some." (In case *I* want some?! What???)
"I need to know that you're on my side here." (Said while slurring drunk... I still have no idea what "side" he was even talking about.)
"The only reason you keep me around is for money." (Said while unemployed.)
"You've already decided in your mind that I'm an alcoholic so everything that I say and do from now on, you're going to think is being said and done by an alcoholic." (Uh, well, yes. Because you're an alcoholic.)
"I'm not an alcoholic because real alcoholics get DUIs, go to jail, have restraining orders against them, and have been arrested. None of those things have happened to me." (And I'm thinking... they haven't happened YET. Doesn't make you any less of an alcoholic.)
"I only drink because I'm depressed. As soon as my depression gets cured, I won't need to drink anymore." (Nevermind that he's been on antidepressants for months now and refuses to go to a counselor.)
"I won't drink anymore after the baby arrives." (Baby is almost a year old and the drinking continues.)
"You don't understand how much I love you. You'll never understand or appreciate it." (Oh, I see.)
"You should get some good life insurance on me because I'm not going to live very long. I want you to have money to take care of the kids until your next husband comes along." (I just roll my eyes.)
"I think it's a good idea that you want to clip coupons for groceries. Every little thing we can do to save money is good." (Said as he's headed out the door to the liquor store.)
"I didn't lose my job because of alcohol. It's just a coincidence. I know I missed so many days because I was hungover or having withdrawls so I had to stay home sick. Then I lost my job. The two aren't connected at all." (Riiiiight...)
"I just need to go downstairs to check on one thing." (Which means go chug some more alcohol out of my sight.)
"I don't have any friends in my life. I have no one to talk to except you. You're my only friend. You can't leave me or else I'd have no one." (You have no friends because you drove them all out of your life with your behavior!)