Love this, as I finally feel like I'm "getting it," regarding my responsibility to understand, create and hold my own boundaries, nice like.
I have often read that the people who trigger you have more to do with you than it does with them. I can't figure out what to do when I'm around a person that triggers me.
It's usually people that remind me of my pre-recovery self. The mom at the school that overextends herself, joins every committee, and wants everyone to like her. That used to be me, but now when I'm confronted with a personality like this I want to run screaming (or tell them how working the 12-steps have helped me :-)
Just recently, I started using a new prayer for this, it goes: Thank you for this gift, than you for showing me what my life could be like. Thank you.
I'm also extremely judgmental about people who gossip and those that try to play people against each other. That reminds me of my family of origin too much.
I had the honor of following my mentor around the state in May, and she was surrounded by gossiping, fighting women that were really seriously driving me crazy. This is what she did: as we were loading up for a four hour drive to the next stop, she pointed to the other car and said, "Transform is riding with me, everyone else goes with Jamie in her car." I laughed when we got in the car and noted how their idiocy had seemed to go unnoticed by her. She said, "they'll either sort it out or not. We have work to do," and we did work our butts off while she was here. She, her assistant and myself put our heads together and worked non stop.
After, I put this to work in my life. I ignore all gossip, in-fighting, sexism, racism, and BS and keep working.
I recently "found" myself having a hell of a time with my landlord. I knew I was creating the problems and needed to change myself to be happy, but it took awhile to sort out why and how.
I should have created a clear boundary after I got the first manipulative email from her. I should have looked at this relationship and figured out what I want it to be. Not what she wanted it to be.
So, I recently re-established that boundary. She is my landlord, not my mommy. We have a contract. It is my job to fullfill my legal obligations to her, nothing else.
Just keep staying aware and in focus when you're uncomfortable. Keep looking at your actions, your boundaries and how to do it differently next time cause if you're anything like me, you'll get another chance to get it right!
Hope this helps, even though I just realized it's not written in first person, but rather bossy stuff. Feel free to create a better boundary with me!