Hi Duq! Glad to hear you are doing better, and things are heading in the right direction.
I have learned how important it is to put the stick down. Stop beating yourself with it. It doesn't accomplish anything. You cannot change the past, and you don't need to.. you were doing the best you could, with what you had. You learned from the experience, which is what's most important, and can move on from here with confidence that you won't do it again (hopefully)
I think amends are a great idea. I can't tell you the feeling of relief I get when I recognize I did something wrong,
admit it and apologize for it. Not having to live with the self imposed guilt and shame of what I did is a huge burden off my shoulders. You would be surprised how open most people are to a heartfelt and genuine apology. And honestly, the amends are just as much for you as the other person. Admitting our imperfections and owning our mistakes is mandatory in personal growth, in my opinion. Apologize, and then let it go.
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Give it a shot, what do you have to lose?