Originally Posted by
duqld1717 
The thing that gets me the most, is that we (the friends and family) suffer sometimes MORE than the addict. HE still has all his same friends. No one is mad at him. They are all drinking buddies so why would they ever be mad at him. No one at his work has ever been mad at him because he can turn the charm on and off like a lightswitch at all the appropriate moments and around all the appropriate people to keep everyone faked out. And HIS family never has gotten upset at him. They are in denial and accept him exactly who he is, monster and all. So yes, we do lose more and we do suffer more. I had more to lose than him and I sure did. People actually started hating me for not being able to control him and they dismissed the fact that he was drunk.
I can honestly say I know what its like to think and act like an addict and neglect everything around you. Instead of chasing a drink, I was chasing a person who was chasing a drink. The outcome is the same. Somehow I think worse for us though. They have an element of charm and deception to keep people around longer.
May seem that way on the surface. But I don't believe its easier for them. I believe it is much, much harder. Can you imagine the energy put forth to maintain an addiction? I mean, the mental gymnastics involved? The shame, the guilt, the remorse? The feeling of being completely out of control?
I can - I lived that way briefly in my addiction to the person. But I can stop, make different choices, and walk away. It is much harder for the addict to do that. And I believe it has a lot to do with emotional maturity.
I see my RAH having glimmers of a different way of thinking and viewing the world and himself. But he is so out of touch still that he's talking the talk, not walking the walk. Not even close. And he is too arrogant to see what he is doing. There is no cognitive dissonance going on that says "wait, I just said a whole load of BS here".
I would much rather be a codie dealing with my addiction than an addict.
But I get what you are saying.