Update of sorts
I accepted a job out of state. AH is staying at the house bc of finances and the fact that I'd prefer that then have him run through any savings we do have paying for hotel rooms which was his m.o.
I feel relief at knowing I have a job and feel anxiety about the battle I will have to have with AH about taking the girls with me.
My best friend was physically assaulted by her H this weekend while my H and I and our kids were at her house (her kids and mine are the same ages). I had no idea her H had a temper and it just goes to show that people put on quite a facade and can fool people a lot. Evidently it isn't the first time it has happened.
My H's response later when we were home was to tell me that I ought to never complain again about his "abuse" (said with a smirk) since words aren't harmful and I should be glad I have a H who doesn't physically attack me.
He also informed me that I had no way of knowing whether my friend was being honest since I didn't see what she alleged happened.
Insanity.
I listened to this briefly, asked if he was done and said I was not interested in having a conversation and went outside to sit on the patio alone. AH came out, with a drink and turned on the music from the stereo out there. I told him I'd come out there to be quiet and asked that he turn the music off. He said no so I got up and left and went to bed.
No emotional reaction to his nonsense. No taking the bait. It's not ideal to be under the same roof but I am in control of how I choose to react or not react to him and have found myself much better able to not get sucked into his nonsense than before.
Father's day I had the girls give him some things they'd gotten with me for him and he made a point of making snarky remarks to me about how miserable I was making the day. I told him I wasn't intending to do that and didn't want him to be miserable and said I'd stay away which I did for the rest of the day. At night he approached me to tell me that I'd ignored him all day and was passive aggressive. I just looked at him and said quietly; I gave you the space you asked for. Happy Father's Day, goodnight.
So, I guess for being under the same roof things are relatively okay. It's not going to be this way for long and knowing that makes it possible to do it. I will be moving by mid Aug and am actively apt searching in my soon to be new hometown.